I work with couples who are struggling to navigate a variety of complex issues including:
- healing from history of broken trust
- poor communication / conflict resolution skills
- anger
- financial anxiety
- sexual problems / compatibility issues
- ambivalence / commitment issues
- infidelity
- boredom / aliveness
- parenting challenges and decision-making
I bring to my practice advanced training in the field of couples therapy, along with more than fifteen years of experience working closely with couples in a broad variety of settings. Additionally, I draw upon my own experience of committed relationship and am the parent of two children.
HOW I WORK
I take an active approach, inviting my clients to speak honestly to me and to each other about the strengths and challenges in their relationships. Broadly speaking, I support the awareness of key attachment needs and patterns and the building of increased insight into how the partners are relating to each other. In the beginning stages, I work with couples to help create a sense of safety in the relationship, which needs to be in place before any constructive rebuilding can occur.
In some cases, couples are committed to their relationship and are looking to deepen their intimacy, improve communication and create a richer, more fulfilling connection. Therapy can be useful here, to help take the relationship to the next level. In other cases, couples are in crisis, ambivalent about what they want, but unable to talk constructively about such a charged and painful subject with each other. I offer a safe, mutually respectful setting in which to unpack what is really going on, inviting each partner to say the important things that they may have been unable to express directly to their partner in the past. Sensitive topics such as money, child-raising decisions and sexual compatibility are often easier to explore in the collaborative setting of a therapy session than at home. This is especially true in situations where partners may feel confused about what they really want, or where there is an ongoing pattern of tension, destructive fighting and mutual withdrawal.
I do not take sides, but offer my even-handed support for the vital process of exploring what each partner wants from the relationship. In some cases, the work can involve a behavioral emphasis on how to break negatively-reinforcing patterns or how to improve listening and communication skills, thereby reintroducing the goodwill that is indispensable if lasting repair is to take place. In other cases, partners are interested in a more psychodynamic exploration of their own attachment styles, taking into account core beliefs, needs and family histories, in order to better understand how they may each trigger and mutually support each other. The insight that can arise from these sorts of conversations can profoundly change the way a couple relates to each other. As with individual therapy, I tailor my approach to what is needed by the particular couple I am working with, taking the time to get to know each partner and frequently inviting feedback and input from both partners about what would be most helpful in the here-and-now of any given session.
I also work with separated or divorcing parents, who are trying to coordinate their parenting efforts at a time when emotions are still raw and disappointments in the other partner can disrupt communication and obscure what is best for the child. In these cases, it can be very helpful to have a compassionate third party in the room to help mediate conversations and keep the focus squarely on what will be most helpful to the needs of the entire family, including the children.
